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Co Dependency Interview
What is Co-Dependency?
"Co-Dependency is when you depend on someone or something outside to help you find yourself.
In co-dependent relationships we depend on our partner to make us feel that we are whole. We make the other person responsible for fulfilling our needs and we expect them to be a certain way that suits us. We expect from our spouse that he listens to us, is more available and attentive and when he does not meet our needs, we try to change him."
Where does Co-Dependency start?
"Co-Dependency starts in childhood, in the family. We grow up in dysfunctional families where it is not ok to talk about our feelings, express ourselves or communicate directly.
All families are dysfunctional to some extent because society is dysfunctional. We learn to deny our feelings and needs, so as not to appear too selfish. By and by we lose connection with our true nature, our strength, self-love and trust, because our family does not support these qualities. We have to behave a certain way: we are not allowed to be playful; we are taught that boys don't cry and girls don't get angry. We begin to feel that deep down we are not OK the way we are, so we start to look for how we should be and what to do to get love from others".
What is the theory behind the course?
"The theory is that we all have inside us what is called the inner child. The inner child is the part of us that carries our vulnerability, our emotions and our past. The inner child carries three major wounds, they are: abandonment, shock and shame.
We all have abandonment issues because our parents were not able to love us unconditionally; they had too much going on in their own lives. Our abandoned child inside may get triggered if our spouse does not listen to us.
Shock is experienced in childhood when we cannot escape from a situation and we also are not able to fight back, because we are too small. The nervous system shuts down and we become numb. Like a rabbit caught by a wolf. We freeze typically when we experience pressure, worry and external or internal stress. We can also go into shock when we are afraid of or attracted to someone. Many of us live in a state of constant shock.
Shame is a place inside where we feel wrong and that we are undeserving. We feel that we do not deserve to have friends or be successful. The shame creates critical voices inside that tell us that we are not OK; we are not intelligent or attractive enough".
What happens in the course?
"In the course we explore the three layers that make up a co-dependent person.
The first layer is a protective layer, the second is the vulnerable layer and the third is the core being, where are essential qualities are.
In the protective layer where most of us live, we protect our vulnerability by using different strategies: blaming, controlling, manipulation, withdrawal and shutting down.
The vulnerable layer consists of our feelings: anger, sadness, grief and fear. We usually protect this place in us because it was not safe to feel emotions in our childhood, instead we had to cope and survive.
The core being is the place from where true intimacy can happen and from where we are in touch with our male and female qualities.
In the course we learn to identify and see the protective strategies and learn to go deeper than the protection. We go into the wounds and feel the feelings of fear and shock with the support of the group. Participants get the support they need in order to open up to the emotions and wounds, so that the child can open up.
The understanding is that the protection was needed in childhood, but as adults we have the choice to become conscious about the protection and become vulnerable instead".
How can this help in relationship?
"Millions of people live together in unconscious patterns of relating. They are miserable, but stay together because they are afraid of being alone.
When we are able to expose our vulnerability to our partner and not blame them for how we feel we can experience intimacy. This is not so easy. We are unconsciously living in protection. We need to learn to take responsibility for are feelings and needs. And expose our wounds to our partner. Every one needs intimacy but they want the other to expose their vulnerability first. This is not how it works we have to be willing to too expose our wounds and are needs. Then we can heal through are relationships and create the love that we long for.
The more aware we are the less we fall back into separation and stuckness. Instead we can chose to stay in love moment to moment and commit ourselves to be honest instead of fighting or blaming each other".
How does this course help meditation?
"Meditation is the art of going in and being aware of what is inside us. In this workshop, you focus your energy inward and bring awareness to your thoughts, feelings and your body.
In the workshop participants also take part in Dynamic and Kundalini Meditation as well as the White Robe Brotherhood in the evening.
Once we trust more and are more deeply connected with our hearts meditations is easier. The deeper you go in this kind of process, the more available you are to meditation. Meditation is essential for healthy relationships. It teaches us to find our true nature and to love ourselves. Only when we love ourselves can we love another person.
Osho has shared often with the group leaders here in the resort that the most important part of are workshops are the meditations.
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